A daughter’s wisdom

2014-07-22 14.20.43I was watching a DVD of Dr. Christiane Northrup’s Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdon on FMTV.com the other day. Actually, I really do watch it almost every week. She is so insightful and very funny.  Anyway, in listening to her, even at age 50+, I felt I was listening to a mother speaking lovingly to her daughter.  I realize that I never had a woman sit me down and tell me anything about how to be a woman, let alone how to be a wife and mother. There were no “birds and bees” talks and no preparation for even simple life events such as my monthly cycle. I can’t even remember anyone giving me even a tiny anecdote about life as a woman. I therefore stumbled through life as a teenager and bumbled my way through three marriages.  Not that there are any guarantees even with wise, motherly grooming.

Dr. Northrup also mentioned a personality by the name of Mama Gena and I decided to look her up and see what she was about.  In reviewing Mama Gena’s website and reading her book Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, I was “violently” struck by how clueless I had been, growing up as a young woman without female adult leadership.  I do not agree with all her points in the book but some parts lead me to wonder what my life would have been like if my mother had taught me how to deal men and their “MARS-tian” behaviors.  Would I have gone through three marriages and divorces if I was clued into any of life’s little secrets some mothers share with their daughters? Would some gentle hand holding when I was heart broken over some young prince, help me to deal maturely with my future relationships? Who knows for sure?

What I do know is that by listening to Dr. Northrup (I also read her book “The Wisdom of Menopause”) I’m keenly aware for the first time,  what missing the experience of having a mother fully engaged in my life really means.  For instance:

  • there have been brief moments that I felt pangs of envy when I see a mother and her daughter shopping or discussing their upcoming vacation together.
  • I have been mildly jealous of a daughter gushing about how much she was looking forward to having a gab session with her mother.
  • And, there have been too many times when I wistfully admire a mother/daughter team participating in an event — even if they were just shopping for a home on House Hunters.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I do not have a daughter.  There is no one to bond with in that special and unique relationship.  I’m not sure however, if I would have anything to offer her, especially in the area of communicating with men.  I certainly would not want her stumbling in my bloody footsteps — footsteps bloodied with the effects of too many mistakes.

Overall, despite having to figure out life for myself, I did not turn out too badly. Miraculously, I managed to turn on the inherent, motherly charm, hawk-like protection, and love for my sons with no thought of what I did or didn’t have. As a matter of fact, maybe I do go overboard sometimes just to make sure they aren’t “missing out” on life.  Fact is since I recognize that a mother can never take the place of a father, despite her best efforts, I seek to find positive, male role models for them.

So maybe in hindsight, life turns out for me exactly the way it should have. Truly I have no regrets or disillusions about what life should or shouldn’t  be. Through forgiveness and self love, I have learned to own my life and to take responsibility for my own actions, regardless of how well prepared I was for this game called life.

2 thoughts on “A daughter’s wisdom

  1. You have raised some very interesting points. I recently was at a social gathering of men and women and the people standing around began talking about the missing pieces in their lives due to the lack of teachings by/from a mother or father. Listening to them, it became clear to me just how much of an impact it can have on a person. A few people were like me, people who grew up with both parents providing these teachings. Both my brother, sister, and I were so very fortunate to get those lessons. It’s something that most of us take for granted. Looking back now, I realize just how valuable those teachings have been for me and cannot imagine what it must be like for a kid growing up without them. From reading your posts over the past weeks, it looks as though you became a good person, unlike so many other people I know who remain unhappy and bitter with an “I hate the world” mentality because of what they wish they had gotten from their parents. And who knows? Maybe if you did have a daughter, those bloody footsteps and mistakes you mentioned gave you adequate experiences that might benefit her. Hopefully you can use that wisdom for others. I will say this, that I completely agree with your last big point. Life does turn out for us the way it is meant to be. As long as we don’t waste time stressing about what we think life should or shouldn’t be, we can make our life when we take responsibility for our own actions. Great post. Thank you for presenting such a candid and authentic self-reflection/self-revelation.

    Like

I would love to hear from you. Please leave your comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s